During our Born This Way series we asked for questions for a panel of ladies to answer during our two weeks specifically focusing on what it means to be a woman made in the image of God. We were unable to answer all of the questions from the stage but we did want to do our best to answer the questions that came in. Below you’ll find those answers. If anyone still has questions or would like to talk more indepth, please reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org.
1. How do we clean our wounds from how we as a couple have hurt one another?
- Wounds won’t heal without forgiveness. Spending time in prayer and in the Word softens our hearts and prepares us to ask for forgiveness and to forgive. Always try to give each other the benefit of the doubt and practice active listening in communication. Don’t be afraid to seek the help of fellow believers, our pastor, or even a Christian counselor.
2. The control I feel from my spouse reminds me of a father/daughter relationship where I feel like I am being told what to do. How can I handle this?
- Because of the nature of this question would be best in answered in a one-on-one conversation, if you would like further clarification please email us at email@example.com.
3. What are some steps to take to be a better wife when newly married?
- Make it a priority to have personal time with God. Believe the best about each other. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Discuss sensitive topics outside of the heat of the moment. Be looking for ways to serve your husband, not to be served.
4. How do you let go of control without feeling crazy or chaotic?
- It helps to rehearse God’s faithfulness in the past! When we remember how good and wise and perfect He is, we are reminded that we need to give Him complete control. He’s sovereign and can be completely trusted in every area of our lives. Also, praying Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
5. I have been married a long time and my husband is not a believer and does not lead. What should I do?
- 1 Peter 3:1 says some unbelieving husbands are won over to Christ without words but by the believing behavior of their wives. Keep praying for your husband. Focus on your calling in Christ to be an Ezer, and through strength from Christ, come alongside your husband as his essential counterpart and corresponding strength.
6. How can women combat the hormonal shifts that may cause us to be more tense, harsh, etc?
- We have to take responsibility for our words and actions. We can pray, asking the Lord to help us to speak words that encourage others. Going to scripture like 2Corinthians 10:5 and asking the Lord to help us take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ is often a good starting place.
7. What does the Bible say about submitting or submission, including how this relates to intimacy?
- Eph.5:21 says “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This calls all of us to consider others as more important than ourselves. Christ perfectly demonstrated this humility. Phil. 2: 3-8 is another passage that might be helpful as we strive to be unselfish, putting the needs of others above our own. Then, Eph. 5:22-33 is directed to husbands and wives. Yes, wives are told here to submit to their husbands as the husband is directed to lead the wife. But the husband is called to love the wife as Christ loves the church, so he is leading her as he follows after Christ. Submission to a believing husband’s leadership in the home should result in order, not chaos. Remember submission is not silence. Wives have a voice. Husbands and wives work as a team. 1Cor.7:3-5 may be helpful to read in regards to intimacy. Husbands and wives are to both be unselfish and try to meet the intimate needs of each other, but neither spouse should be demanding.
8. What does it look like to be a Godly woman to adult children?
- Giving our adult children to God (again and again) and trusting His love for them paves the way for a good relationship. We must understand that while our hearts will forever be connected to our children, we are no longer responsible for them nor do we have any control over their lives. What we can do is pray for them, surrendering them to the One who loves them more than we do. God grows our faith as we pour out our hopes, dreams, and fears to Him in prayer, rather than give unsolicited advice or strive to control or set expectations or swoop in to rescue our adult children. We learn to be good listeners and those who encourage them in their journey, always assuring them of our love and availability. We want to pursue them in ways that provide times for fun and friendship, as well as opportunities to point them to Christ.
9. What is the right way to dress as a single Godly woman?
- As we choose clothes as women, we can ask ourselves some questions such as, “Do I have any impure or misguided motives that are driving me to wear/buy this outfit?” or “Is what I am wearing going to cause a man to stumble or fall into sin?” (see Rom. 14:21, 1Cor. 10:32)